So... this weekend I stumbled across the perfect theme for testing out my flarfing abilities. We have a Roomba that miraculously vacuums up all the pet hair in our house before I get home from school and work. With two dogs and a cat, it's been a hero to my allergies. However, did you know it will push its way through some interesting piles? Enter dog poop.
We have a puppy who is still learning that the house is a doo-doo free zone. As cute as she is, she can be a real pain in my house-cleaning backside.
So, while I scrubbed the floors (a lot of floors -- that Roomba really gives 'er) and my husband dismantled dear Roomba for the cleaning of it's life, I laughed out loud and realized I could probably write an entertaining flarf poem about this situation.
Here's my doggy accident-inspired flarf poem (with about 90 percent of the lines taken right from Google):
The doody of a pet owner
My Roomba tries to clean up dog poop
It does a crappy job
Solutions to the dog poop problem
from free wireless to a surprise package
The Dogs Trust says fouling is on the rise for the first time in ten years
It's one of the scourges of urban Britain.
Did you know it is an offence if you do not clean up your dog's mess?
There are approximately 30,000 dogs in Tameside.
Each day they produce nearly 12 tonnes of dog mess.
Unsightly, smelly, a breeding medium for germs and disease, and a huge hassle on the sole of a shoe, dog poop is not desirable
Curbing is the polite term for a canine waste disposal method
Millions of dog owners collect their dog poo in small plastic bags
not scented -- try the green disposable kind!
I certainly enjoyed this much better than the book we read.
ReplyDeleteThose are some great, fun lines.
Poetry. The most profound expression of passion.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteSorry - no edit button so I had to delete my first comment : )
ReplyDeleteUgh - I feel your pain on the poop front. My husband's dog (who I didn't like, and he the same) once barfed hot dog food on my bare feet. I'm not sure which is worst, but cleaning out the Roomba might win. Also, have you trained your cats to ride the Roomba wearing costumes? Because it's awesome - here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tLt5rBfNucc
I like how we are all finding inventive ways to flarf, but without the...um...terribleness?
Wow, I'm glad I was not the person to clean up that mess. But it's really interesting how you made a poem like this, and found inspiration from something so average. It's really cool to me that you made a poem this funny from an experience you likely will not want to repeat. I like your style!
ReplyDelete-Raeanne
L, is this your first-ever flarfing? not bad! the total curveballs seem perfect to the genre: the stats, Tameside, curbing, the dogs trust. flare can be so educational! my hunch about the supreme flarfers (not necessarily Mesmer) is that they google two uniquely items at once or conduct two or more fairly dissimilar phrases/words. the dialogue that forms between the contrasting topics, i feel, can create a remarkable convo or exercise in analogy. for instance, what might be the opposite of poop or cleaning poop? eating chocolate cake? too obvious? what about a whipping cream fight? is that even a thing? it probably is on the internet! here's a realworld example:
ReplyDeleteHandsome Fish Offices: http://www.insertblancpress.net/products/handsome-fish-offices-by-ara-shirinyan
also, if you love writing about poop, here's a contest for you!
http://cottagelife.com/98375/contests/the-cottage-life-al-purdy-potty-poetry-contest
otherwise, a perfectly wondrous poem draft post—thanks for sharing!
: )